Kim Kardashian and a Real Bum Deal

Inside Television 577
Publication Date: 11-4-11
By: Hubert O’Hearn

Kim Kardashian and a Really Bum Deal


For a profession that is usually described in print as being that of lonely men sitting on hard wooden chairs in undecorated rooms, chain-smoking Camels while tearing words out from their pain-riddled souls - this writing life is actually rather fun. In a 24 hour period I’ve turned out for various media outlets another piece on the Occupy Movement (by the way, Occupy Thunder Bay, coming to a City Hall near you on November 20th), a spiritually lifting interview with the director of a School for Autistic Children in New York, and now let’s talk about an enormous and enormously expensive piece of (Snip! - editor). 

Wow...That really IS a huge (Snip!)

Generally speaking, I avoid the discussion of reality TV and its monochromatic stars the way medieval Venetians avoided plague-besotted rats. Even the Hollywood Walk of Fame with its hand, foot and breast imprints draws a line refusing entry to the momentary burps of celebrity accorded to Survivor contestants, among others. And it is scarcely as difficult to get on the sidewalks of Hollywood and Vine as it is to get into Harvard Medical School. Certainly not to besmirch anyone’s career - I applaud anyone who makes a living out of entertainment - but was Caroll Baker ever really a big star? I mean a really big star? (I’m talking about the actress, not the country singer, and your confusion proves my point.)

So if rectangular slabs of paving stone have their standards, why doesn’t television? Specifically, why has the E! network become the Kardashians’ personal YouTube channel when the Walk of Fame won’t let Kim Kardsahian squeeze her giant (Snip!) into wet concrete? Or if her (Snip!) is too big for a sidewalk square, why not her (Snip! Snip!)?

The answer of course is that the audience has no standards. We are plonking fools who exist as extras in the media production who laugh when we’re told to, cry on cue, and accept that what Big Media tells us is worth our attention actually is.

Let’s look at why Kim Kardashian and her two lesser satellite sisters have done to earn their fame. Well let’s see: their mother Kris used to be married to Robert Kardashian, erstwhile best-friend of currently incarcerated former Heisman Trophy winner O.J. Simpson. So a loose association with celebrity, crime and athletics. That will get you in the door of a studio. Kris then married Bruce Jenner, winner of the decathlon at Montreal’s 1976 Olympics, and former flag-waver on the Wheaties cereal box. More athletics, proof of marketability - well now, that alone has to be worth a year of study at Julliard.

Oh look here, they haven’t done a damn thing and now there’s a (cough) book (cough) out supposedly authored by the three sisters that I do not have on order for review. All of which leads to the epic triumph of publicity that was the end of Kim Kardashian’s 72 day marriage to NBA splinter-gatherer Kris Humphries. Shock! Horror! Wait for the sequel! ‘Kim Kardashian: Picking up the Pieces’. After all, the rumoured number (denied by Kris Jenner) is that Kim earned a spiffy $18 million for her televised nuptials. How much will a renewed relationship with Reggie Bush be worth? Or an affair with Kobe Bryant? Or let’s really get juicy and have her explore her sexuality with Lindsay Lohan?

The sky’s the limit and so are the depths. Be seeing you. (Snip!)