What to Give for Christmas?

Inside Television 532

Publication Date: 12-17-10

By: Hubert O'Hearn

You very nearly came to this space this week to find 500 words or so on the average salary ($55,000 as of 2007) of CBC employees, the resultant huff and puff of various Tory MP's ($157,000 as of 2010) and my defense of the former at the expense of the latter. But, a Thunder Bay bus driver has saved you from that dry reading.

I realized some time ago that my biggest fans are cab drivers and bus drivers. This is a good thing. 'Taxi' was one of my favourite sitcoms and Ralph Kramden one of the greatest of all comedy creations. But I was getting off the Mainline the other day when the driver asked me, 'Hey, you got something special planned for us to read for Christmas?' I of course answered, 'Yes sir!'

I of course had nothing of the sort planned. I'd thought of it certainly. For the past ten years I've done an annual Suggested Gift column with the best of TV sets, comfy chairs, boxed DVDs etc. etc. etc. A column like your morning toast and jam: easily made, easily forgotten.

But all this darn reading has gotten in the way of all that. To be perfectly honest, if it wasn't for all the reading I've done for my book reviews, I would have gone mad this year. Sincerely. Really. No exaggeration. And the reading has turned me off of consumerism. Sincerely. Really. No exaggeration there either.

You see, when you read about poverty in Africa, and struggles for survival around the world, it kind of makes what new scent of Old Spice is available just a might touch unimportant. But I am here to help, not hector or lecture.

You want to honour your loved ones with gifts. Good. Great. Lovely. Why don't you give them something different this year? – give them You. Huh?

A dear friend of mine who hates reading his name in the paper, even though he is one of the finest keyboard players this city has produced, said something interesting while we were indulging in liquid enhanced problem solving the other night. He said that because of the wretched Northwestern Ontario winter, everyone he knows is creative in some way: music, writing, drawing, crafting, woodworking, you name it. So why not do that and then give it away?

I've written my darling Kimberly a Christmas Book for this year. One of the stories is free for you to share – it can be found at thefearandloathingpage.blogspot.com. Stories, poems and essays all printed upa nd bound together. You can do the same and nobody is going to care if you're not Charles Dickens, John Cheever, or even me.

Or, if all else fails, spend two bucks and buy a blank DVD. Load it up with show clips that have made you happy, songs that have made you sing, pictures that have made you laugh, anything at all that defines who you are and who the gift recipients are to you.

There. Over. Said. Done. And if that dear person in your life was looking for a sweater, try giving a hug instead. A hug is much warmer than any sweater ever knitted. Merry Christmas to come, and to all – Be seeing you.